The Dance of the Ego Fairy

By now, it is likely no surprise that I grew up dancing. You can roll your eyes if you'd like and tease me for having a "gym class hero" mentality. It won't hurt my feelings.

See, growing up at a dance studio is very much the same as being a nurse for me - it's part of my identity. I don't work at the bedside any more but I'll always be a nurse (despite what my dad thinks but that's a blog for a different day lol). I've never been a professional dancer but dance quite literally shaped the person I am. It gave me so many gifts. Discipline, persistence, hard work, confidence, the ability to always feel comfortable with public speaking...the list goes on. The friendships, camaraderie, and loving relationships were icing on the sugar plum fairy! Recently, I've come to realize things that the dance world also

gifted me that are a little more Black Swan-ish.

Before I go down this road, let me be very clear that I am, in no way, blaming or faulting the dance environment I was raised in. Every sour script I've ever had is a result of my own self talk. It wasn't until years of being on my own healing journey that I was able to identify my own saboteurs. I personally feel as though I grew up in a very nurturing environment but I did not have the words or awareness of today back then.

In my coaching practice, I've worked with a number of people that also have a dance background. I have often laughed it off as a coincidence and said something like "all things come back to dance for me" or "another gift from dance!" Then someone recently challenged me to think, dig deeper, and see if I could identify any connections there. What did all of these clients have in common?

BOOM! Lightning crash! Instant download!

Every single one of them was struggling with intrinsically believing in themselves instead of seeing how they measure up to those around them. Each was in constant comparative mode looking to model themselves after those around them rather than building a life from within. Each one was battling a self deprecating, negative internal narrative that they weren't good enough if they weren't perfect or constantly pleasing others. One after the next expressed feeling insecure and not having confidence in themselves. How could this have anything to do with dance when each also credited dance with all the same things I did above?

Dancers spend hours and hours every week critically staring in the mirror to assure they look perfect in every position and movement they make. The entire class or rehearsal is spent comparing their alignment with the dancers around them. They learn phrases like "fake it til you make it" that become mantras to carry them through life. A mantra that quite literally says "just pretend you're perfect so everyone will be happy and applaud and like you." In no way am I suggesting this is what they are being told extrinsically. I am, however, suggesting that young, developing minds use their environment and the perceptions of their experiences to shape the way the stories that keep them "safe" throughout the rest of their lives. These stories, while relevant and serving at one point in time, become irrelevant and untrue. If left intact and un-deconstructed, you're left with a voice you cannot quiet that tells you just how much you don't measure every step you take.

The comparative nature of the dance environment, while essential for flawless performances, can be detrimental to the voice developing within. We know now the importance of the ways we talk to and think about ourselves. We now know that our brain cannot differentiate between reality and what we are telling it is real. We now know our thoughts are powerful enough to become our reality. We also know now that we are NOT our thoughts - we are the awareness of our thoughts. We have the capability to control and change our thoughts. We have the tools to deprogram the ego voice within that is always trying to take over, always telling us we are not enough. Unfortunately, too many of us haven't spend the time getting to know that gremlin and naming it. And (I say this all the time) you've got to name the puppy to train the puppy!

My very next thought was "ok, but why me?" Why am I the right coach to support these individuals? Why not someone who's been around longer or been an actual professional dancer or dance teacher? Well, if that line of self-questioning didn't already give it away, it's because I am one of them too. Part of my journey to my truth has been coming to terms with the fact that I am enough just because I am. Learning that mimicking the lives of those I deem "happy" or "successful" actually pushes me further from my own peace. Realizing that it truly does not matter if anyone is watching because, when you lead your life by the divine love in your heart, the stage lights are too bright to see faces in the crowd.

There's a saying in the coaching world that you can never take a client deeper than you've gone yourself. On my path, I continue to find ways to accept, trust, and believe that the me of my dreams can only be found within me. It's gotten dark a number of times but I always find my way back to the spotlight.