Pausing for Station Identification

Last week, I met with a peer in the Nurse Coaching program. (Side note: as part of the program, we must practice coaching each other.) I began to come clean about how much was on my plate this week. All good things but still just A LOT of things. Kids are FINALLY going back to school Thursday (yay!). With this comes all the supplies gathering, form signing, grocery shopping, pantry stocking, and planning that can send a person right over the edge. We were trying to truly soak up those last few days of summer with as much family fun as we could. On top of that, I had some coaching sessions lined up. And I started a blog (you already know that). Dance classes are starting up again (I take and teach classes). And work. Plus my own school work. Oh and just one more...it's nothing big...it's small really...it's just my little brother getting married to his true best friend and soul mate! I am privileged enough to be able to stand beside them for their moment in time - wearing a dress so gorgeous that even the tailor couldn't stop saying it was stunning!

S'lot. I know. But hey, all good things, all good things. Well, while I was spewing these things to my Peer Coach and feeling my anxiety start to soar, something happened. I was telling her how much I cherished the unique bond I have with this brother and I started to cry seemingly out of no where. Without skipping a beat, because she's truly amazing, she leaned right in on that! I didn't expect the words that came out of my mouth next. In between sobs I uttered, "I know these are all such good things and I know I will somehow get them done but I'm just so afraid that if I don't come the hell down from this shit storm of anxiety and chill the f*ck out I'm going to look back one day and be so upset with myself for not being fully present for my little brother's wedding!"

Boom. Cue the huge exhale. The words just hung there in their glorious moment. Selah.

With that, I saw so clearly what I needed to do.

Here it is. This week's post. It's messy. It's raw and unrefined. The first draft is the final draft. It's lacking in profoundness and eloquence. But it's my truth. It is my unapologetic, authentic, vulnerable truth. It's me walking the talk, putting down the things, taking off the hats, BEING FULLY PRESENT without self-judgement. I can pick them all back up afterwards...or not. Somewhere along the journey to this sham we call adulthood, we were trained to think we couldn't ever walk away and "go play." Just be happy for a damn moment! I call bullshit.

Dare I defy the constructs of this ridiculous, chore-laden, phase of life? Dare I push pause and allow the bright-eyed, smiley-face, genuinely happy little girl at the very heart of me out to play? Oh I dare! I dare hard!

So, if anyone is looking for me, I'll be basking in the joy and the love and all the wonderment of this precious weekend. I won't be hard to spot. I'll be the wide-eyed, playful one without a care in the world soaking up every last bit of radiating bliss - in the stunning dress!

Live forward. Love always.